HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
