HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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