i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Im part way to drunk.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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