In the future we'll all be gay
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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