god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
