I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
