Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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