somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
