Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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