its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
