It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
