remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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