apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
