Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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