yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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