thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize