Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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