Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
