Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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