We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
