your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
