Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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