Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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