Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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