I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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