My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
