hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
