Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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