So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
