I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
