I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize