Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
