I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
