3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
