a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize