You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
