i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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