is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
