1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
