Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
