my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize