New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
