Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize