I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
