i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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