I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
