the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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