I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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