I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
