What a fucking waste of an outfit
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
