break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
