I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
