Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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