he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
