; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
