I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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