I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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