the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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