I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
