i already hear my dad disowning me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
