If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
