So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
