is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
