He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
