you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
