i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize