Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
